Sometimes it is helpful to understand the impact your communication style has on other people. While every interaction is different, there are some common reactions people have to different communication styles.
- If you are aggressive, other people may react to you with fear or anxiety. They may be timid around you because they don’t want to make you angry. People may agree to do what you want and then they may feel resentful about it. They may start to avoid you. They might not be honest with you because they fear your reaction. If your aggressiveness includes some kind of violence or abuse, then you will hurt people and destroy your relationships.
And also: people may admire your strength. You might get your way a lot of the time. You may be successful in the business world (if you are a white cisgender man). And you probably will be seen as “masculine,” which could be positive or negative for you.
- If you are passive, other people may react to you with annoyance. People may be frustrated because they can never be sure if they are giving you what you really want. They may be suspicious when you say “yes” to things because you never say “no,” and they might hesitate to ask you for help because they worry you won’t tell them if you can’t help. You may be perceived as weak. People who are more aggressive may take advantage of your passivity and mistreat you so they can get what they want.
And also: people may appreciate your kindness and generosity. They may feel safe with you. And you probably will be seen as “feminine,” which could be positive or negative for you.
- If you are passive-aggressive, other people may feel “crazy” around you. They may feel bad about themselves after talking with you and not realize why. People who catch on to what you are doing may distance themselves from you. They may not want to work with you or be in a relationship with you. They may not trust you and may worry that you will manipulate them. If you are using your passive-aggressiveness to control people, you will hurt people and destroy your relationships.
And also: people may admire that you can insult others and pretend that that is not what you are doing. They may laugh at your sarcasm (when it’s not directed at them). Your ability to manipulate may bring success to you at work, although it may not bring good working relationships.
- If you are assertive, other people may feel envious of you. People who are more passive than you are may resent it when you speak up for what you need. People who are more aggressive may look down on you for being too nice. Some people may think you are not “manly” enough because you are too kind. Others may think you are too “masculine” because you are honest about what you think and want.
And also: people probably know where they stand with you. They feel less worried about interacting with you because they can trust you to be honest and to be kind no matter what is going on. You may have much success in your work and relationships.
Not sure how you are perceived by people? You can ask people you trust to be honest with you. Nicely. And listen to what they say. If you have a therapist, try asking your therapist. Most therapists want to help clients to know and understand themselves better so we work hard to be kind and honest with this sort of feedback.