Have you had trouble in your relationships with friends, partners, co-workers, or family members? Does it seem to you that nobody understands you? Do you find yourself getting angry and aggressive? Do you think everyone else has a problem, not you? Have you tried therapy before but felt like the therapist was an idiot who didn’t know how to help you?
If you answered yes to some of these questions, you probably are having a very difficult time getting help. Your life can be falling to pieces around you – a partner leaves you and doesn’t let you see your kids, you get fired from yet another job, your friends stop talking to you – but nobody seems to be able to help you. You just keep pushing people away and getting abandoned over and over.
You may be wondering how therapy can help you, especially if you have not had success in therapy in the past. I have worked with many clients who have difficulty with others. Here are some ways therapy can be helpful for you:
- Clients can get direct feedback from the therapist about how they are coming across and the effect their behavior or words have on the therapist. It is not easy to get this information from other people in your life. Some may be too intimidated or passive to tell you what they think and others tell you in a way that leaves you feeling defensive and rejected.
- The therapist can help clients experiment with new ways of interacting. The therapist can guide clients in trying new things within the therapy session and can also suggest “homework” for clients to try on their own.
- Clients can have the experience of being accepted for who they are by the therapist. They can experience what Carl Rogers called “unconditional positive regard.” Many clients who have difficulty in relating to others have never been fully accepted for who they are.
So, if you are someone others have labeled as “difficult” and you’re willing to try working with a therapist (for the first or tenth time), take the risk and find a therapist. Find someone who seems like s/he will be able to help you in the three ways above.
If you are in the Boston area, of course you are welcome to get in touch with me. I would be glad to talk with you about whether I might be able to help.