Every time there is a mass shooting (or any other incidence of violence), I feel the need to write something that would be helpful for people.
“I’m a therapist,” I think, “Certainly I should be able to say something that will help people to deal with what happened.”
But I haven’t been able to do it.
All of my suggestions for coping strategies seem inadequate. Any ideas I have for ways to get support seem irrelevant.
I have no solutions.
Like you, I also feel devastated by hearing that children have been murdered.
I also feel powerless to change our society so that these things do not happen.
I also berate myself for not doing enough.
I also numb myself with distractions because the news is overwhelming.
I also am filled with anger at the people in charge, the ones who supplied the weapons, the ones with facile solutions to complex problems.
I also need to go into denial because otherwise I am too scared to function.
I also spend way too much energy arguing about the situation on social media, knowing that it won’t help anyone.
I also find the challenges of my own personal life prevent me from spending as much energy as I would like on changing the rest of the world.
I also don’t know how to explain to a child why a boy not so much older than he is murdered other children.
I also carry with me the awareness of each incident of violence, like yet another rock in a backpack full of rocks I wear all the time.
I have no solutions.
At times like this, I am profoundly grateful for my work. As a therapist, I get to hear stories of how people have survived. I get to marvel at how they are able to keep moving forward. I get to watch people heal from years of excruciating pain. I get to hold on to hope that their lives can get better — because I have confidence in their abilities to make their lives better.
Most of all, I get to help. When I feel helpless to fix the very real problems we face as a society, I get to help my clients feel better.
You are not alone. We can find ways to help each other. Let us move into working for a better world. Let’s not give up.
We are all in this together.