Many people come to therapy wanting to deal with stress better. There are many articles out there about stress management — but not a lot which have a picture of two guys with bowling balls. Therefore, I felt it was necessary to share my perspective on the topic. There are two categories of stress: Externally…
How to Ground Yourself
For trauma survivors and anyone else who is troubled by anxiety or panic, grounding skills are important. In the midst of feeling panicked or having a flashback or other trauma response, being able to ground yourself and reduce your anxiety can help you feel more in control and less crazy. Grounding is not complicated. Here…
Fun Relationship Experiment #3: Make a List
It’s hard to maintain perspective on relationships with partners. It’s easy to take partners’ good qualities for granted and to be exasperated over and over again by the qualities we don’t like. This relationship experiment is designed to give you a more complete picture of your partner and your relationship than you are likely to…
Fun Relationship Experiment #2: Lighten Up
For every couple there are topics that are difficult to discuss. Perhaps you have a hard time talking about your finances or the housework or your religious observance or how to interact with your kids. Since there is disagreement and conflict in any significant relationship, it is important to learn how to approach tension-filled topics…
Fun Relationship Experiment #1: The Switcheroo
When you are in a relationship it is easy to get stuck in a pattern of having the same fights about the same issues over and over again. It can be so frustrating when important issues seem to never get resolved. It can also be boring — nothing engages you, there’s no new information, and…
Coping With Anxiety
When we are anxious, often our instincts tell us to do whatever we need to do to escape the anxiety. Anxiety is so uncomfortable that people will go to great lengths to stop feeling it. Sometimes this kind of avoidance of anxious feelings is necessary — during some phases of trauma work, when feeling anxious…
Healing From Trauma
When I work with clients who are survivors of trauma, I often use the metaphor of building a house to explain the three stages of healing from trauma (based on Judith Herman’s Trauma and Recovery). The Foundation: Safety, Stability, Self-Care, and Support. Before you build the rest of the house, you have to have a…
Support For People Who Are Depressed
Everyone (including me) always tells depressed people to “get support.” The reality is that when people are depressed, talking to other people about it is sometimes the last thing they want to do. So when someone says, “Get some support!” the depressed person might be thinking, “Support, right. Like that will help. What I need…