It’s hard to maintain perspective on relationships with partners. It’s easy to take partners’ good qualities for granted and to be exasperated over and over again by the qualities we don’t like. This relationship experiment is designed to give you a more complete picture of your partner and your relationship than you are likely to…
Author Archives: cindy
Fun Relationship Experiment #2: Lighten Up
For every couple there are topics that are difficult to discuss. Perhaps you have a hard time talking about your finances or the housework or your religious observance or how to interact with your kids. Since there is disagreement and conflict in any significant relationship, it is important to learn how to approach tension-filled topics…
Fun Relationship Experiment #1: The Switcheroo
When you are in a relationship it is easy to get stuck in a pattern of having the same fights about the same issues over and over again. It can be so frustrating when important issues seem to never get resolved. It can also be boring — nothing engages you, there’s no new information, and…
Coping With Anxiety
When we are anxious, often our instincts tell us to do whatever we need to do to escape the anxiety. Anxiety is so uncomfortable that people will go to great lengths to stop feeling it. Sometimes this kind of avoidance of anxious feelings is necessary — during some phases of trauma work, when feeling anxious…
Healing From Trauma
When I work with clients who are survivors of trauma, I often use the metaphor of building a house to explain the three stages of healing from trauma (based on Judith Herman’s Trauma and Recovery). The Foundation: Safety, Stability, Self-Care, and Support. Before you build the rest of the house, you have to have a…
Support For People Who Are Depressed
Everyone (including me) always tells depressed people to “get support.” The reality is that when people are depressed, talking to other people about it is sometimes the last thing they want to do. So when someone says, “Get some support!” the depressed person might be thinking, “Support, right. Like that will help. What I need…
Red Flags In Abusive Relationships
When you are in a relationship with someone you love it can be difficult to figure out whether the conflicts in your relationship are abusive or not. If you notice any of the following “red flags” in your relationship, there is a possibility that your relationship could be controlling or abusive. Extreme jealousy — one…
The Woman, The Bear And The River
There once was a woman who lived in the forest near a large river. She loved to walk in the forest and along the riverbank. Sometimes she enjoyed taking a swim in the cool, clear water. One day, the woman was walking by the river when she heard a loud growl. She turned around and…
The Stresses Of Parenting
Parenting is an extremely stressful job. And I think parents are the only ones who fully get that. Parenting is so stressful that it makes sense that you might let your kid run around a restaurant because she’s been running around all day and at least you know she won’t get hurt and maybe you…
To Do: Live Your Life
From time to time it is important to look at the places in our lives that are dead or dying and bring new life to them. Do you feel fully alive most of the time? Or do you sometimes feel sluggish and paralyzed, unable to move towards your goals, unable to really connect with other…