I have been a therapist for 20 years now and I have learned a lot about myself:
- My strengths as a therapist are also my limitations. I am a strong thinker, good at analyzing and making connections and understanding new things. These are strengths that help me in my work. However, my strengths are also limiting because thinking and analyzing is not all of what therapy is about. Particularly with clients who are similar to me, the danger is that we will meet for years and have a great time analyzing and philosophizing about their lives… and it won’t get them anywhere.
Most clients who come to see me do not need my help in analyzing and thinking about things. They are already experts at that. Anything they don’t already know they could find out from a book. Clients really tend to need my help with accessing and expressing their emotions, getting in touch with what is happening in their bodies, accepting themselves as they are, and making real connections with others. So I often need to fight against my own tendency to intellectualize and analyze so that I can help clients with what they really need from me.
- I am really as compassionate as I thought I was. In 20 years I have never had a client for whom I could not feel compassion. Clients sometimes worry that I will judge them or blame them or dislike them. While I am direct about any concerns I feel about their behavior, I am able to feel compassion for them and care about them anyhow. Unconditional caring is healing and I have been relieved to find that I am capable of it, no matter what the situation.
- The learning is never done. Every day I find new things I want to learn about. There are new therapy techniques being taught all the time. There are issues and struggles I discover that I was ignorant of before. So I have had to develop a lot of humility and recognize that I will never be an expert in everything, I will always make mistakes and there is always more to learn.
- I am better suited for some kinds of therapy than for others. I am not good at appearing neutral, just listening quietly while clients give long monologues, or holding back my reactions. I have stopped trying to be something I am not. If clients want a therapist who will listen with a reserved manner and not share genuine feelings and reactions, they simply will not like me and they should find a therapist who will be better for them. Fortunately, Gestalt therapy is a great kind of therapy for me that allows me to be genuine, open and actively engaged.
- My emotional and mental energy is limited. There are therapists who happily see 40 clients per week. I am not one of those therapists. Over time, I have learned how many clients I can see while still maintaining my focus, compassion and creativity and not burning out. The maximum number of therapy sessions I do per day is five (and, on some days, fewer than five). Typically, I work four days per week between the hours of 9:30 am and 5:00 pm. I generally leave at least 25 minutes between each therapy session so I have time to “reset” and be ready for the next client. Sometimes I am tempted to push past my limits because I want to be more flexible for clients or I want to be more available for new clients. But, at this point, I do not allow myself to push past my limits. It never goes well when I do.
One of the things I love about being a therapist is that I am learning new things every day. Therapy is challenging, demanding, rewarding, exhausting, inspiring, and fun. My goal is for my clients to think so too.