Category Archives: Relationships

Love Yourself

Lots of people seem to worry about whether a therapist will see something about them as pathological. In my opinion as a psychotherapist, there is nothing inherently problematic about being: Gay Lesbian Bisexual Transgender Genderqueer Asexual Polyamorous Non-monogamous Into kink/BDSM Religious Not religious Fat Of course, there is nothing problematic about lots of things, but…

A Handy Guide to Relationships

Estranged relationship: Codependent or enmeshed relationship: Relationship in which there is abuse: Healthy relationship:

How To Say “No”

Many of my clients have struggled with the question of how to say “no” to others.1 Too often, people find themselves overcommitted and resentful and doing things they don’t like. Let’s use an example of a colleague’s asking you to be in charge of a project. You are in charge of several projects right now…

Therapists and Friends

Top Five Things Your Therapist Can Give You, But Probably Not Your Friends Education on different topics relevant to you. “Homework,” when appropriate. A diagnosis and information about what it means. Attention completely focused on you at a time set aside for you each week. Tissues. (OK, your friends can give you tissues, but are…

Secrets and Lies in Therapy

I am often surprised by how many clients there are who tell me that they have lied to past therapists. Clients usually tell me this as if they are confessing to a past sin. Then it is their turn to be surprised by what I tell them. I tell them that if they need to…

Developing A Supportive Community

Therapists like me provide a lot of support to clients. But, in my opinion, support from a therapist is not enough to create the kind of meaningful, peaceful, connected, vibrant life that most of us want. Even support from a therapy group is not enough. We need more. We need community. A supportive community is…

Understanding How to Trust

Do you keep trusting people only to have your trust betrayed? Do people take advantage of you? Or do you find it difficult to trust anyone and prefer to rely only on yourself? Do people think you are paranoid or too suspicious? If the answer to any of those questions is “yes”, you probably never…

The Difference between a Therapist and a Friend

When I started graduate school to become a therapist, I thought that being a therapist would be easy. I figured that helping clients with their problems was no different from talking with friends about their problems and, since I talked to friends all the time, it would be a cinch. Wrong. I quickly learned that…

Fun Relationship Experiment #3: Make a List

It’s hard to maintain perspective on relationships with partners. It’s easy to take partners’ good qualities for granted and to be exasperated over and over again by the qualities we don’t like. This relationship experiment is designed to give you a more complete picture of your partner and your relationship than you are likely to…

Fun Relationship Experiment #2: Lighten Up

For every couple there are topics that are difficult to discuss. Perhaps you have a hard time talking about your finances or the housework or your religious observance or how to interact with your kids. Since there is disagreement and conflict in any significant relationship, it is important to learn how to approach tension-filled topics…