Category Archives: Relationships

Individual Therapy Is About Relationship

In order for individual therapy to be worth your time and effort and money, it has to be more effective than a popular psychology book. Right? Otherwise, you could check a book out from the library, read it, implement the suggestions, and be done. Some of those books have great ideas. Many are written by…

Should You Recommend Your Therapist?

Let’s say you have a therapist you really like and a friend asks if you know of any good therapists. Should you recommend your therapist? The answer is not as simple as it might appear. Here are some questions to consider. How close are you to the person who is in need of a therapist?…

LGBTQ-Friendly Psychotherapy — Part 3

Relationships and Families LGBTQ* people have relationships and families and, like anyone else, may need therapy for relationship and family issues. Beyond the qualifications discussed in Parts 1 and 2, how do you know whether a therapist is qualified to help you and your LGBTQ family? Skilled LGBTQ-friendly therapists for relationships and families are: Comfortable…

Love Yourself

Lots of people seem to worry about whether a therapist will see something about them as pathological. In my opinion as a psychotherapist, there is nothing inherently problematic about being: Gay Lesbian Bisexual Transgender Genderqueer Asexual Polyamorous Non-monogamous Into kink/BDSM Religious Not religious Fat Of course, there is nothing problematic about lots of things, but…

A Handy Guide to Relationships

Estranged relationship: Codependent or enmeshed relationship: Relationship in which there is abuse: Healthy relationship:

How To Say “No”

Many of my clients have struggled with the question of how to say “no” to others.* Too often, people find themselves overcommitted and resentful and doing things they don’t like. Let’s use an example of a colleague’s asking you to be in charge of a project. You are in charge of several projects right now…

Therapists and Friends

Top Five Things Your Therapist Can Give You, But Probably Not Your Friends Education on different topics relevant to you. “Homework,” when appropriate. A diagnosis and information about what it means. Attention completely focused on you at a time set aside for you each week. Tissues. (OK, your friends can give you tissues, but are…

Secrets and Lies in Therapy

I am often surprised by how many clients there are who tell me that they have lied to past therapists. Clients usually tell me this as if they are confessing to a past sin. Then it is their turn to be surprised by what I tell them. I tell them that if they need to…

Developing A Supportive Community

Therapists like me provide a lot of support to clients. But, in my opinion, support from a therapist is not enough to create the kind of meaningful, peaceful, connected, vibrant life that most of us want. Even support from a therapy group is not enough. We need more. We need community. A supportive community is…

Understanding How to Trust

Do you keep trusting people only to have your trust betrayed? Do people take advantage of you? Or do you find it difficult to trust anyone and prefer to rely only on yourself? Do people think you are paranoid or too suspicious? If the answer to any of those questions is “yes”, you probably never…