Four Things I Say to Couples

Couples come to therapy usually because they are frustrated with something about each other. Here are some things I often tell them.

  1. It is always possible that your partner will change. Over the course of a long-term relationship, many changes happen. But it is not wise to count on it. Your partner might not change in the way you want.
  2. How is this quality that frustrates you about your partner related to a quality that attracted you to your partner in the first place? (See this post for an activity you can do to explore this question.)
  3. According to research by John Gottman, 69% of conflicts couples have are perpetual conflicts that never get resolved.
  4. We are attracted to people because of the ways they are different from us. And then we spend the rest of our lives together trying to make them the same as us.

In couples therapy, we work on improving your communication with your partner so that you can explore these issues together. We focus on the strengths of your relationship and of each of you, not just on the problems you are having. Couples therapy is an opportunity to strengthen your connection with your partner so you can give and receive the love you want.

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